The Evangelical Fellowship
for Lesbian and Gay Christians

It was great to be back at an EF Conference again with my partner Alan, and the renewed fellowship with many friends was both refreshing and welcome.  It was also a great joy to meet a number of new people that we had not seen before and to meet out main speaker for the weekend Ann Leck for the first time.

Ann was a breath of fresh air and both in session and informally at mealtimes Alan and I enjoyed Ann's fellowship, friendship and ministry.  What a privilege to have such spiritual, warm and grounded speakers come to minister to us conference by conference.

Ann led a session on stones which was especially significant for me as we were asked to pick up a stone that in some was represented ourselves?  The first stone that I saw was large and white and stood out from the rest but before I could get hold of that someone else had picked it up so I had to be a bit more reflective about my second choice.

The stone that I ended up with was an amalgam of smaller stones, shells and sand all bonded together under both pressure and heat.  It looks a bit like to moon with it's many lumps and bumps, is very rough and uneven and all of that reflects aspects of my life.

An amalgam of many parts with lots of lumps and bumps, forged under pressure from within and without that looks pretty rough on the outside and not a thing of immediate beauty yet the more you look the more you see of the masters hand in crafting a peculiar stone, with little or no value by human standards yet precious in the sight of God and purchased at infinite cost by the blood of Christ.

Tony Thomson

Ann Leck was Vice President of Methodist Conference for 2001 and was co-chair of the working Party producing ‘A Pilgrimage of Faith’, the 2005 Methodist Church Report on human sexuality. Ann was a teacher before training as a counsellor, sex therapist and trainer for Relate. She was a member of Relate's National Executive for 12 years, including four years as Chair. Ann is a member of her local Methodist church in Oxfordshire. She has four children.

EF Autumn Conference

Friday 20 October to Sunday 22 October 2006

Did we think we were alone?

Speakers from a variety of faith perspectives, Christian and otherwise, were invited to share with us how they related their beliefs about sexuality and their faith, and how their organisations helped others to do so. The House provided warm hospitality in pleasantly old-fashioned surroundings. It was good to meet old friends, and also to make new friendships among the several newcomers.

The speakers were from: Imaan – a Muslim gay and lesbian support group; JLGC (Jewish Lesbian and Gay Group); Quest – a Roman Catholic gay and lesbian fellowship; Changing Attitude, which works for LGBT affirmation within the Anglican Communion; Accepting Evangelicals – an evangelical network for lesbian and gay acceptance; and Courage – a non-denominational group providing support for LGB evangelicals. Each speaker talked about the history, aims and activities of their group, and how they face the challenges within their particular sphere of influence. In a final session, we were encouraged to submit written questions to all the speakers so that they could share more with us and each other.

Hearing the stories of the Christian speakers in close succession provided some new perspectives. All of their groups, with the exception of Changing Attitude, have arisen from conservative circles where life for lesbian and gay Christians has presented particular challenges, and it could be argued that Changing Attitude is facing similar challenges as a result of the current problems within the worldwide Anglican Communion. The messages from the two non-Christian speakers were in some ways very different yet in other ways strikingly similar. Islam, like Christianity, owes much to the Hebrew tradition upon which Judaism is based. Gay and lesbian Jews as well as Christians are challenged by the Levitical prohibitions within our shared scriptures, while the Koran also includes the story of Lot and the destruction of Sodom. It is, however, much less specific than the Genesis account, referring to general debauchery rather than threatened homosexual rape; one must look elsewhere for any condemnation of homosexual acts.

It became very clear that, while much oppression exists within the conservative sections of the faiths, there are also circles within them where lesbians and gays are at least tolerated if not fully accepted. The appalling homophobia expressed by some of the more vociferous Islamic spokesmen should not blind us to the much more thoughtful, considered viewpoints expressed by more moderate leaders.

One issue that became clear to me was the proportion of both Muslims and Jews who, though they no longer practise their faith, still identify strongly as Muslim or Jewish. While that may be equally true of many so-called nominal Christians, the latter as a majority have less need to emphasise their Christian identity.

By the Sunday morning worship, the speakers had left for other engagements. There was no need for a sermon given all we had learned over the weekend, and the prayers, readings and shared act of communion simply spoke for themselves.

Andrew Shackleton

EF Spring Conference

Friday 31 March to Sunday 2 April 2006

‘Que(e)rying faith’:
An introduction to queer theology and an exploration of what it might mean to our faith

Speaker: Dr Nicola Slee
feminist theologian and poet

About 35 of us made our way for the familiar warm welcome and for this curiously named conference. In recent years, a number of theologians have developed ‘queer theologies’ that draw on queer theory to question and reinterpret Christian faith in challenging and subversive ways. The term ‘Queer theology’ had come up several times in EF conferences and here was a chance to engage with it in a more concentrated way. Our speaker, Dr Nicola Slee is a feminist theologian and poet and an associate member of staff at Queens Theological College in Birmingham. In this conference she invited us to share her interest in and exploration of Queer theology (a field distinct from feminist theology) through talk, discussion and creative writing. It was a chance to become more aware of what this branch of theology has to offer and the results it yields from its approaches. We were free to ‘take or leave’ some or all of it.

After an introduction to Queer theology, then we tried reading the Bible from a ‘Queer perspective’. In a session of creative writing we were encouraged to express our thoughts on paper and then worked in groups to prepare parts of the Sunday worship. The communion service worship was both sensitive and inclusive with elements of the familiar and the ‘queer’. It was an offering of our weekend’s work with the worship still very much focussing on God and our common faith. A wonderful conclusion to a challenging and enjoyable weekend.

Nicola Slee is a theologian and poet and honorary research fellow at the Queen’s Foundation for Ecumenical Theological Education, Birmingham. Books include Women’s Faith Development: Patterns and Processes (Ashgate, 2003) and Praying Like a Woman (SPCK, 2004), and was working on a second collection of poems.

James

EF Autumn Conference 2005 Warwickshire

Friday 7 October to Sunday 9 October 2005

‘Aloneness – and the Extravagant Generosity of God’

Guest speaker: Wanda Nash

As a long-time member of the Evangelical Fellowship, but one who has not attended for some considerable time, it was with varying feelings that I came to this latest conference. Amongst the things I was looking forward to was (for me) seeing the old ‘spiritual home’ of EF, also renewing friendships and meeting new people who had become a part of the fellowship since I was a more regular attendee. But in addition, I was greatly attracted by the title of the conference – ‘Aloneness – and the Extravagant Generosity of God’. This title was touching me long before I arrived.

Wanda Nash was excellent in her presentation and the thought and preparation she put into the sessions was clear for all to see. Aloneness came into all of the talks with titles like ‘Alone = All One’, ‘Each is Every’, ‘All are Each’, and ‘Every Each is Ever Each’. But while there was an emphasis put on us as unique individuals, we were also guided to think about how we each fit into the realm of others, how we each have a part to play in a greater good, and how other people have an influence in how we are as individuals. And yet in all of that we are still very much our own person – a person in relationship with God and with others. We were also shown the impact of how these relationships – with God and with others – can impact on our lives in so many ways.

We were shown ‘A Progress of Love’, which shows us how we can progress through the various stages of love, from Love of Self for Self’s sake, to Love God for self’s sake, to Love God for God’s sake, through to Love self for God’s sake.

We were also guided to think about the various parts of knowing ourselves; from the Head Knowing, GOTTAS (Wanda’s word), where we can be dispassionate, to the Heart Knowing, where we can have highs and lows, through to the Gut Knowing, WANNAS (again Wanda’s word) which is something much deeper – it is the real thing.

We also did a little self-awareness questionnaire to find out our drivers – the things that ‘drive’ us in our lives. And I think that for some of us we were somewhat surprised at the outcome of this as to what forces we do actually have in our lives which do actually drive us.

For me there was also something about ‘letting things be’. This included letting others be, letting possessions be, and letting words be. All these things should be allowed to ‘let be’ – let them be there, but perhaps not to rule us, not to take over ourselves or our lives. And in each of them we can perhaps see things which we hadn’t previously seen, and perhaps even see that there is more to simplicity and silence than we might have previously thought about

Much of this was concentrated on the Saturday sessions. The Sunday session was somewhat skated over and turned into mini workshops based on what we had been given from the previous day’s work. But the programme for the Sunday was enough to fill a complete conference in itself: and it would be wonderful if Wanda could be persuaded to come along and take what was supposed to be the optional Sunday session and make it into a full weekend at some future time. I’m sure she could make it into another wonderful conference.

The Sunday Worship as always was inspiring, with almost everyone who was willing taking some part in the service. It was a worshipping community at its best. The singing was uplifting, the reflections were thoughtful and the atmosphere was so wonderfully spirit-filled, that I’m sure all of us could take something from it, and probably most of us got a lot from it. It was a wonderful ‘high’ on which to end the conference.

Grateful thanks to John Blowers for all the work he put into the organisation of this, and also to Wanda Nash for such wonderfully led, thoughtful and inspiring sessions. For me it was a most uplifting conference.

Ewan W

EF Spring Conference 2005 North Yorkshire

‘What a Difference a Gay Makes’: Straight talk about God, the Church and sexual diversity

Guest speaker: Revd Dave Tomlinson

The Evangelical Fellowship for Lesbian and Gay Christians (EF) held its spring conference in the beautiful surroundings of the Yorkshire Dales. It was led by Rev. Dave Tomlinson vicar of St. Luke’s Church in Holloway, North London and author of ‘The post evangelical’. It was good that his wife Pat was also able to be there.

Dave Tomlinson gave three inspiring addresses over the weekend that were a great encouragement to those present. He spoke of why gay love threatens the religious ‘status quo’, what Gay Christians have to offer the wider church and gave useful suggestions of how to build inclusive churches.

It was most impressive that Dave did not merely make the ‘right noises’ but gave specific examples of how he is ministering to the needs of all people, including gay and lesbian Christians, in his own church. Nobody at the conference was left in any doubt as to his commitment to an inclusive church. Several members of EF were heard to comment that they would love to attend his church if only they lived nearer!

The conference concluded as usual with a very moving communion service. At the Eucharist Dave gave his talk the title ‘Better to be a doubter than a shouter’ and spoke on the theme ‘redeeming doubt’. He commented that doubt, far from being the enemy of faith, is an integral part of Christianity. To quote Dave, ‘Doubt is a redeeming factor within faith. It saves us from naïve believe-ism, from triumphalist campaigns against those who see things differently to ourselves, from dogmatic certainties, and unthinking absolutes’.

The conference was very uplifting and encouraged us to continue our ministry to evangelicals who have been marginalised by the wider church.

Mike D

EF Autumn Conference 2004 Worcestershire

Caught between two worlds – being Christian and Gay Today

Guest speaker: Revd David Allen

A response from one member:

I always look forward to renewing friendships that I have made during the 15 years I have been going to EF conferences. Not only is it great to be able to discuss openly problems relating to one’s sexuality in the Church and the world at large, but my experiences have also helped me personally to finally put an end to my problems relating to shyness.

The Friday evening welcome gathering was unusual in that we were being asked to suggest questions anonymously, serious or frivolous, for the members of the committee. These varied from the very serious (mine!) to what colour socks they were wearing.

When I had read in advance of the conference that our speaker was from the anglo-catholic tradition of the Church of England I was somewhat unsure of how it would go as I am from the low-church C of E tradition. I need not have worried, however.

Our speaker started off on Saturday with his first session entitled ‘Salt: coming out as Gay in the Church’. He pointed out that Christ had died for all – straight, lesbian, gay and bisexual, and including the most evil people we can think of. Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount said ‘you are the salt of the earth’.

Our speaker went on to say that it is important for the church that we are all there. The church has belittled so many LGBs that they lose their faith. We must not allow this to happen, as we are all needed in the church – remember, we are a minority within a minority. We are not necessarily ungodly, and by keeping our faith with God and by seen as going to church we will draw others to it.

He continued by saying that the church had been left behind by the sexual world and has lost its way on such matters. We are explorers trying to work out in a new territory how we work and act. He said that we should challenge the church on heterosexuality, not only on homosexuality. We are more Christian than are some Christian marriages.

In a later session we discussed among ourselves in groups our own individual experiences as LGB within the church. Finally we considered what we can do to help Christians be better agents of the gospel in the wider world.

Colin

EF 25th Anniversary Conference (and AGM) 2004 Leicestershire

‘Something to Celebrate’

Guest speaker: Andrew Yip from the Centre for the Study of Christianity and Sexuality, Nottingham University

At our 20th Anniversary in 1999, we celebrated the past, reminded by one of EF’s founders, Brian Stone, of how EF came to birth in the late 70s, and its aspirations and early endeavours. Not long after the conference, Acts of Faith and Love, the history of EF, was published. The book (still available!) charts the highs and lows of EF’s first 20 years – its activities, struggles, celebrations and sorrows.

Five years on, around 50 current and former members and other friends met in Leicestershire to celebrate the 25th anniversary. Once again we were reminded where EF has come from, our foundation in Jesus and His call for us to grow in fellowship and love.

Our keynote speaker, Andrew Yip, Senior Lecturer in Sociology at Nottingham Trent University and former chair of the Centre for the Study of Christianity and Sexuality at Nottingham University, painted the bigger picture of social and political reform for LGBT people. He gave a lively account of the advances and challenges in public perceptions of sexuality, the proliferation of LGBT groups throughout the UK, the increasing recognition in law of the human rights of LGBT people, the establishment of partnership registers in major cities, and the slow but steady move towards affirmation of LGBTs that is taking place amongst Christians.

Individual workshops on specific topics – including partnership law, transgender issues, and biblical exegesis – were presented by members, and there was the chance to discuss our direction and to hear about the initiatives of other groups with similar aims. As always, there was time to share personal stories and just to be together, to worship and to celebrate.

EF Autumn Conference 2003 Worcestershire

‘Colouring Outside the Lines’

Guest Speaker: June Boyce-Tillman

Professor June Boyce-Tillman is well known to LGB Christians for the hymns she has written which speak so eloquently to matters of inclusion and justice. She is Professor of Applied Music at King Alfred’s College, Winchester.

Our conference, entitled ‘Colouring Outside the Lines’, was a time to think about what we consider important as we live as individuals and in connection with others. Through talk, Bible-inspired discussion and worship, Professor Boyce-Tillman challenged and encouraged us to examine certain values in ourselves and in society as a whole. She has identified eight pairs of values: community–individual, private–public, diversity–unity, process–product, nurture–challenge; relaxation–excitement; intuitive–rational, embodied–disembodied. We considered how issues of power in society dictate the prevailing value systems and thus the relative weight of each value. People whose value systems differ markedly from the prevailing ones will become marginalized because certain ‘ways of knowing’ are subjugated by the dominant culture. Some polarities were demonstrated in visual aids, for instance a balloon on a string representing intuitive and rational, a racing car accelerator and brake depicting excitement and relaxation. We looked at episodes from the Old and New Testament and how particular pairs of values seem to be weighted there. For instance: conversion as a product or process, God as a challenger or a nurturer, passages which emphasize the body and the spiritual. There was also a session on music in different societies: the power and control given simply through beating a drum; the ability of a group through simple use of their voices to bring comfort to an individual without the need for bodily contact; the relation of music with our own natural rhythms.

A conference to be experienced and enjoyed!

EF Spring Conference 2003 Lancashire

‘Coming Home Together’

Guest speaker: Jeremy Marks of Courage

Response from two first-timers

Our first EF conference and we’ve been home three hours, having eaten too much and talked to a lot of people (hence tired from late nights). Was it worth it? A resounding ‘Yes!’ It was a unique experience to spend a weekend with a mixture of mainly gay and lesbian people. It wasn’t a meeting-together of a people who spoke with one voice. We acknowledged our differences within that grouping. Being gay is who we are but with the wonderful uniqueness we each have as God’s creations.

The greatest impact this weekend had for us was being able to tell our story and hear other people’s stories. Past experience has shown us that sharing each other’s life experiences helps us come to terms with and affirm who we are, not only during the conference, but gives a confidence and a sense of well-being that permeates our being. It’s a stepping-stone along this sometimes tortuous journey. For those of us who live or work in a hostile world, such times are precious:

• the opportunity to have a sense of freedom
• to be able to speak openly and not have to be careful of how we express ourselves (using the tell-tale pronoun ‘we’ instead of ‘I’ when speaking to strangers/acquaintances)
• the realisation that others face similar difficulties
• to hear how barriers have been broken down and unconditional acceptance received.

It gives us encouragement for where, one day, we hope to be. It also reminds us of the hurt we have done to others. Again and again we heard of honesty triumphing where our fear of ‘coming out’ to husbands and children had led to confusion, resentment and darkness. Hindsight is so illuminating. We learnt many lessons which can be applied as we continue to explain our relationship to family members. Perhaps we have too low an expectation of others. Perhaps we should see God in people and allow them to respond in a positive and loving way, to give them the opportunity to ‘be their best’. And perhaps when we’re rejected, give them time and space, and continue to love with God’s love that takes the flak, forgives and loves to the ends of the earth and beyond.

The theme was ‘Coming Home Together’. Feedback from workshops brought a wealth of ideas. We haven’t arrived; we hope one day we will; we know we will in eternity. The speaker, Jeremy Marks, joins us on that journey. What courage (no pun intended) it took to make an about-turn from a position of believing that gays could be ‘healed’ to a place of affirmation. Again, there was a strong sense of an ongoing process. Jeremy was extremely honest in describing his path, with all its twists and turns. We saw vulnerability and a genuine desire to find God’s thoughts. How often do we make ourselves vulnerable? Or do we hide behind a mask, in that ‘safe’ place where we think no one can hurt us?

It felt like home. The atmosphere was warm and friendly; those who led and organised were positive and uplifting and, in the case of Sarah, noisy! Laughter helped to form new bonds. We return to our ‘normal’ lives strengthened and renewed, affirmed and encouraged. Lasting qualities with which to face challenges with God and without fear.

Irene and Gaynor

Response from one old-timer

It was a shock to discover on the Friday evening that I was the longest-standing member present (not on the Saturday, I might add, and I believe we still have one or two founder members who didn’t make it this time). However, what for me made the conference a real home-coming was meeting Jeremy after so many years, during which our paths had diverged.

I first met Jeremy in the early 1980s, when a work colleague introduced him to Phil and me in the hope that he might be persuaded that he didn’t need healing from his homosexuality. He was a photographer, and a job at York Minster provided the opportunity for him to stay with us in Leeds. I must admit to having quailed at the thought of the giddy heights he was compelled to climb to in his work inside the Minster. We couldn’t help liking him, but were very conscious of the pressures on him in the very conservative-minded fellowship that he belonged to in Watford. We were therefore very disappointed but not altogether surprised when he wrote to say he was going to America for training with one of several so-called ‘ex-gay’ groups. His subsequent founding of Courage Trust is known to many of you.

Jeremy’s comments as reported in Not for Turning: An Enquiry into the Ex-Gay Movement (Tony Green, Brenda Harrison & Jeremy Innes, 1996; copies still available from Brenda) suggested to me that, while we still disagreed fundamentally, I could be sure that he would treat people with a personal respect that was missing from many other ‘ex-gay’ ministries. One thing that now impresses me about him is that he has been willing not only to carry through what he believed but to learn from it, and for this reason it is perhaps not surprising that his views have changed as a result of his experiences.

This alone would not have been enough to explain the complete about-turn that Jeremy described to us in some detail in his address on the Saturday morning. The change, though dramatic, was not a single about-face, but came about gradually through many years of ministry, and of his marriage to Bren, which, if misguided in retrospect, was entered into with trust and sincerity (and to which he remains committed). To turn his back on many years of work with Exodus International and its ilk must have taken tremendous courage and considerable personal risk.

Jeremy also spoke about the residential project that he set up entitled ‘Steps out of homosexuality’, and of how he came to realise that, far from ‘healing’ people of their homosexuality, it had caused emotional damage, both for those who had taken part and for those close to them. Not one single case had resulted of anyone whose sexuality had definitively changed. Jeremy had attempted to provide exactly what conservative evangelicals wanted — namely a way out of homosexuality — but experience had proved this goal to be unachievable (and, one might add, unnecessary).

Much of what Jeremy did in the past came about, he suggested, from an overemphasis on Christian duty as opposed to the response of Christian love. Like so many gay men and lesbians, he had been persuaded to follow the path of duty, seeking celibacy or change, rather than acknowledge what his heart was really telling him.

While I am saddened that for so many years Jeremy and I pursued opposing goals, I can now rejoice that we are walking on more parallel paths again, acknowledging God’s acceptance of us as we really are — for it is in this acknowledgement that the path to true healing can be found.

Andrew Shackleton

Autumn Conference 2002 Worcestershire

‘The Bible and Sexuality’

Some 'Take-aways' from the Autumn Conference

Our guest speaker, Trevor Dennis, Vice Dean of Chester Cathedral, and author, invited us to look again at some familiar stories, and to engage with the settings and the society of the time:

Sodom (Genesis 19)

A key to this awful story is the central importance, in the society then, of male honour and shame. Women counted for very little – hence Lot's 'gift' of his virgin daughters to the mob (v.8). Having sex with a man was to rob him of his honour by treating him as a woman (nothing could be more shameful). This story has absolutely nothing to say about the committed love of one person for another in a same-sex relationship. It has everything to do with flagrant breach of the key eastern virtue of hospitality (it takes Lot, an alien, to do the decent thing), and the unthinkable shaming of visitors.

Ruth and Naomi

The startling backdrop to this story is also easily lost on us now. For Ruth, the Moabitess, belonged to a people who were not in any way to be entertained. According to the Book of Moses (the scriptures as they were then) Moabites were sworn enemies of God and his people (see Numbers 25). The story in the book of Ruth just shouldn't be, let alone should this despised person's actions be portrayed as an example of committed love. The story of Ruth and Naomi is a picture of love that does not fit the usual expectations. Though not a lesbian love story, it is a celebration of love wherever it is found.

Job

We think of the patience of Job, but given page after page of his impassioned discourse with his 'friends', the 'impatience of Job' seems a truer description. Job's 'friends' try every which way to explain away Job's plight. They read him through their theology. They fail to see- him as a person. In this book we see a sustained protest levelled against those who put dogma above people. But the story has a happy ending. Eventually Job finds himself (42 v.6) – 'despises', as in some versions, is a mistranslation.

Jesus

Too easily 'men of power' language colours our image of God. Too easily we forget that Jesus came insignificantly, as a peasant, from a village that others belittled. In fact, Jesus could easily have been illiterate, as very few people at the time (perhaps 3%) could actually read and write. The spoken word was the chief medium of communication. In Luke 13 we read of one of many of Jesus' clashes with the religious experts. A crippled woman stands up for the first time for years. The religious expert doesn't see the woman. In his religion of fear, he sees the rules and not the person. But Jesus sees the person, calls out to her, and the woman is released to attain her full stature.

Spring Conference 2002 Leicestershire

‘Embracing our Sexuality’

An exploration of human sexuality for people of all sexualities

(Extracts from a report published in the June 2002 edition of EFNews)

Roughly 40 people gathered from all over the country (and one from the USA), joined by several others just for the day on Saturday. In the Friday evening welcome meeting there was a relaxed atmosphere, and a strong sense of it being an extended family. In the evening epilogue three extracts from movies were introduced to get us thinking about our sexuality in terms of the confrontations it brings, its validity as a lifestyle and how we should learn to celebrate it.

On Saturday morning a number of people gathered for prayers before breakfast. Throughout the weekend a great many individuals were involved in leading discussions and worship. The variety of approach reinforced the relaxed nature of the conference.

Three stimulating sessions were led by Margaret Gill, the guest speaker. For many who related to what was said by Margaret, or by others who contributed, there were emotional moments. To understand that others endure as you do, or share your joys, was a powerful experience.

Listening to our sexuality is important. People have different needs, and even within ourselves there are conflicts which must be constantly addressed. We need to seek God's help to create a unity within. In relationships, likewise, the wholeness does not come easily, nor does it continue unless we work at it. Listening to one another requires gentle wisdom and respect. The clashes that occur as we explore our sexuality and our relationships are often what bring strength. Risk can produce creativity. God's dream for us is that we will be complete people, called into union with God and with one another.

One quote made a big impression: 'To expect perfection from anyone (including yourself) but God is to crush them'. We need to be reminded that God looks at us and sees the good in us. Our view of God is distorted. We expect him constantly to pounce on us, and only to want us when we are successful.

In the final session there was a moving meditation. We were asked by our speaker to imagine our sexuality as a house and consider what the different rooms might contain. We were then invited to greet Christ at the door and invite him in and take him on a tour of the house. What might we feel? What might we hope to conceal?

The service of worship and communion on the Sunday was an emotional highpoint. The whole service brought back memories of the first time I had shared communion in a specifically gay group. The sense of God's acceptance was almost overwhelming.